February 4, 2020 at 3:30 pm #105292Urwen Starial@urwen-starial
Yep! really REALLY good!
I just want to say how happy I am that we’re able to work together so well! So so glad!
And my apologies if any of my critiques or ideas seem against you or your writing, I promise they aren’t directed at anyone in particular. I just think that people want my honest opinion and not a fake version of what I think. I’m sorry if anyone’s offended or upset that I don’t like an idea, they’re all good ideas, but we all have a version of this world in our heads, and it clashes with other people’s, I am willing to submit to anything should it be important enough to you, just let me know if the critiques seem too harsh.
*smiles* I’m loving hanging out with you guys!
“Tears sparkle like fallen stars, the world at our fingertips, We didn’t know, It wasn't happiness.February 4, 2020 at 3:34 pm #105293Esmeralda Gramilton@esmeralda-gramilton
Okay, my next part is kind of long, and it’s just the rough draft, but it’s ready:
“They bring in new people every few days now,” one of the government officials said to her friend as they stood outside by one of the lampposts. “I’ve even seen them take children into that dreaded tower. What will they do next?”
“I don’t know what they’re trying to accomplish,” her friend agreed. “Rebellion, really! Wouldn’t we have noticed?”
No, Sandrye answered silently, watching from a few feet away. No, you wouldn’t notice. And you never will, until you realize that the city is crumbling around us. Then maybe you’ll want to help.
The two officials continued talking, but Sandrye shut them out, glancing up at the sun to figure out the time. He didn’t like to rely on clocks, none of which (in his opinion) ever told the exact right time.
It was almost nine, and the few people who had remained outside were returning home. And once everyone had left, Sandrye would be able to leave too, and get everything ready for the rebels’ meeting. The only hard part would be getting everything without the government realizing he’d broken into their building to get it.
He’d always left his stuff there, because no-one would bother looking for it and it would be mostly safe. Besides, he had nothing important and nowhere else to put it. It only caused trouble when meetings and early closings clashed.
Finally alone, Sandrye headed for the government building, which could be easily spotted from nearly everywhere in the small, ruined city. It wasn’t quite as run-down as many other buildings, as the government naturally claimed it one of the most important.
The gate was locked, but Sandrye was so used to it that he didn’t even notice. He pulled out a slip of paper, folded it until it resembled an origami sparrow, and flew it over the gate. The alarms went off immediately.
Taking advantage of the noise, Sandrye climbed easily up the wall and landed softly on the grass inside. Because the door would obviously be locked too, he went around to the back of the building and picked the lock on one of the windows. Then he slipped carefully inside.
“No-one can judge your worth; They can only influence your judgement of your own worth.” ~ElyssoFebruary 4, 2020 at 3:46 pm #105294Veraza Winterknight@kari-karast
@esmeralda-gramilton This happens before 9:00, but idk exactly when.
@urwen-starial Well. Hopefully this makes sense to you. XP I had her fall asleep so then it can be closer to 9 or the meeting or whenever when either of them wakes up so that way maybe the timeline can be made more sense of, but you can have Talia be awake by the time Kirat wakes up or still sleeping or just waking up, whatever. I don’t really care. 🙂 So… basically, you can just do whatever with the time. XD
Talia didn’t catch up with the kid in time to tell him about the side street. After they passed it, she darted down an alley that she knew cut through to a street up ahead… where she would hopefully be able to catch up then… and before she ran out of energy and collapsed, too. She was already breathing heavily, seeing as she’d already been on her feet for nearly four hours straight.
Fortunately, just as she swung out of the alley, the boy tripped. Okay, so that wasn’t very fortunate for him, since Talia could now hear that a lot of other people had started chasing him in addition to the officials, but now she could help. She ran over, grabbed him by the arms, and dragged him back into the alley she’d just exited.
As the commotion of the crowd following the boy grew nearer, Talia stepped back out into the street and pointed up it. “He went… around… that corner!” She quickly pressed herself back against a building as the crowd surged past her. At least they’d bought it. She walked back into the alley and checked on the boy. Unconscious… the poor kid. She needed to take him somewhere safe… at least until the chase blew over, but where?
Well, her apartment was in the direction the crowd went, so that was out. So were all government buildings. Welp. The park was where she’d thought of before, so that would have to be where she took him, since it was the only other option close enough that she thought she’d be able to drag the boy without collapsing herself. Right. “Onwards… to the end.” she muttered to herself, then resumed pulling the boy by the arms. She’d carry him, but she didn’t think she’d be able to manage it that far. At least she’d try and avoid the rough parts of the streets so he wouldn’t get too banged up. Hopefully.
Several long minutes later, Talia dropped the boy behind a curtain of mostly healthy shrubbery and plopped down next to him. She leaned back against the stone wall behind her and closed her eyes, trying to get her breathing back to normal. She was too tired to go anywhere for the moment, so she might as well stay here until the kid woke up. And make sure he was okay, too. Before she realized it, though, she was asleep, too exhausted from going straight from her waitress shift to running all over the city in a matter of seconds.
"You can dance with my henchman."February 4, 2020 at 4:19 pm #105295
Thanks a bunch!! And you’re totally fine. I often think feel like I should make a post like that. I think it’s just hard when you can’t see people’s faces and hear their tone.
But you’re totally fine!!
And I’m loving hanging out with you too *sends you and your characters a plate of cookies*
Sold souls and dead promisesFebruary 4, 2020 at 5:15 pm #105304Veraza Winterknight@kari-karast
No worries! I’m really hard to offend anyways, so we’re all good! (And I haven’t been offended or anything either.) I love hanging out with you, too!
"You can dance with my henchman."February 4, 2020 at 5:31 pm #105305Dakota@dakota
@emberynus-the-dragonslayer Your Cade post is awesome!!
Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You.February 4, 2020 at 5:35 pm #105306
@kayla-skywriter Hi, if you’d like, my character, Rin, is also non-violent and part of the government. He’s currently a pretty high-ranking person, and I could have him and your character be friends, or at least co-workers. Maybe that would be a good way to introduce her. 🙂
I do not write the story... the Universe writes the story and I am simply its messenger.February 4, 2020 at 5:37 pm #105307
Sold souls and dead promisesFebruary 4, 2020 at 5:52 pm #105308Urwen Starial@urwen-starial
Jin sighed, staring at the stone wall in front of him. He’d been staring at this wall for an hour, waiting.
He bit his lip, any minute and they would be here, any minute he could be double-crossed, and the suspense was killing him. He trailed his fingers along the paintings on the ruined stones of the wall, they had been worn down, the paint not nearly as bright as it had once been. Just like our world. Jin thought to himself, we could have avoided this, made our world into a beautiful place, he glanced at the ruined room around him, now it shall never be so.
A soft knocking was heard on the door, and Jin took a deep breath, the moment of truth, he waited, tensing up, then he heard it. Two long knocks, three short knocks, a short pause, then four long knocks and one short knock. He sighed in relief, opening the door, there stood a little boy, barely nine years old, he hastily handed Jin a piece of paper, in return, Jin handed the boy a roll, and shut the door behind the boy’s retreating back. Jin smiled at the boy, he had been like that not so long ago.
He went over to the small wooden table and looked at the note, it had the rebel insignia. This is it. Jin thought, he opened it, with shaking hands, to read two words.
<p style=”text-align: center;”>They know.</p>
“Tears sparkle like fallen stars, the world at our fingertips, We didn’t know, It wasn't happiness.February 4, 2020 at 7:00 pm #105322
Thanks, I think that’s a great place for Tawny. Good use of Pasha too. I’ll try to get writing soon, I should have time tomorrow.
How we chose to fight is just as important as what we fight forFebruary 4, 2020 at 7:21 pm #105323
Okay, I do want to continue with Naiya’s story where the government finds out where and when the rebels are meeting. If you all could give me a day to write that and post it I’d be really grateful. I’m trying to keep up, but my life is a bit crazy. Sorry.
Also, Maya I’d love for Tawny and Rin to be co-workers. Could Tawny take the information she got from Naiya’s character to him?
How we chose to fight is just as important as what we fight forFebruary 4, 2020 at 7:30 pm #105325
Sorry for another post. I’m just trying to get caught up with everything that happened the last few days.
So, I read up on Rin, and he seems to know quite a bit about the rebels. Does he already know the meeting place? How will he react when Tawny tells him?
Basically here is what I want to know.
- Can Tawny take the information to Rin?
- Do you want me to write his response or leave that to you?
Is it alright if Pasha follows your guy now? He would just watch him from the shadows and be his personal bodyguard.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by Kayla Skywriter.
How we chose to fight is just as important as what we fight forFebruary 4, 2020 at 7:38 pm #105327
Rin doesn’t know the exact location, but he’s best friends with Kenma, who’s part of the rebellion. So usually when the government starts getting on their trail, Rin warns Kenma.
Because of his personality, he would react calmly and professionally when Tawny gives him the info, and he might tips off the rebels to keep them safe. Just so you know. Nobody knows about his involvement with the rebels though.
I think he could still receive the info if you’re okay with him telling Kenma and the rebel’s moving. That might create an interesting dilemma for the government to solve. Maybe the rebel’s will leave a decoy at the original meeting place too.
I totally don’t mind if you write Rin and Tawny’s interaction. He’s very quiet and reserved and I think I put all the information you’d need about him on the character doc. 😊
Hope that’s useful.
I do not write the story... the Universe writes the story and I am simply its messenger.February 4, 2020 at 7:41 pm #105328
In clarification, Rin works for the government, but doesn’t necessarily agree with all of their actions. He’s really only focused on the good of the city, and he and Kenma share the same ideals, they just ended up on either side of the rebellion. So they help each other out a lot.
I do not write the story... the Universe writes the story and I am simply its messenger.February 4, 2020 at 8:24 pm #105329
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