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An Alliteration Poem

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  • #58952
    Katherine Baker
    @kb-writer

    Hello!

    I’m wondering if I can get some ideas and tips on a poem I wrote. It is a wild experimental poem when I had an idea centering around a Weeping Willow and thought “why don’t I make it full of alliterations”

    Let me know what you think! Does it work? Does it feel like a jumbled mess? What could improve it? Did I try to hard to use W? 🙂

     

    Weeping Willow

    Weeping Willow, why

    do you wallow in your wailing

    while the wondrous world is waking?

    The wren warbles wistfully

    as the wind whispers warmly

    while it wanders west.

     

    Weeping Willow,

    you are wilting while you weary.

    And what’s worst?

    That which you are weeping

    is not worth the weight of woe.

     

    Weeping Willow, watch

    for warmly walks the Woman.

    We were well to name her Wisdom

    for she wallows not in worry

    but wears wings of wisteria.

    She is wishing with the wistful

    and wary of the whiner.

    Her voice wedded with the warble

    of the warmly whistling bird.

     

    Weeping Willow, listen

    for the wayward worker wasted

    all the worthy weight of wonder

    as he washed his wail in whiskey

    and worshiped his own whining.

     

    Weeping Willow, watch

    for Woman Wisdom walketh

    and waits beside your wilting.

    Wisdom’s watchful of your woes

    and her eyes wear water too.

     

    Weeping Willow, why

    do you wallow in your wailings?

    The world is worse for wear

    when the wreckage you must wear.

    Cast your woes upon the Worshiped

    where wonders are born and watered,

    where the worthless one is wanted,

    where the water of the wailer

    waters wisteria worlds

    weaved wonderfully, unwasted

    in withstanding love.

     

    Tagging @evelyn, @libby, @h-jones to start. Feel free to tag more people.

    Always remember you're unique...
    ...Just like everyone else

    #58955
    Evelyn
    @evelyn

    @kb-writer Wow!

    First of, I love “w” words, so that’s a good start. xD

    I’m sure someone would think it’s a bit much, but I love it! And I think you did a really good job telling a story that made sense and fit together, instead of just sticking random words together just because they alliterated. even though you were trying to alliterate the whole time.

    Great job! 🙂

    #58957
    Katherine Baker
    @kb-writer

    @evelyn

    Thanks! You made me smile. Great job sticking to a theme and starting with “Wow”.

    W. Wouldn’t have it any other way. 🙂

    I’m glad you liked it. I felt like the theme was a bit forced, but you don’t have many options when trying to create a story with W. 🙂 Did you feel like it flowed well? Could you follow the story?

    Always remember you're unique...
    ...Just like everyone else

    #58958
    Evelyn
    @evelyn

    Great job sticking to a theme and starting with “Wow”.

    Haha! I didn’t even notice that. xD

    I mean *coughs* I totally meant to do that. 😉

    No, I didn’t have any trouble following the story! I actually really think it was so beautifully done. I especially love this line:

    Wisdom’s watchful of your woes

    and her eyes wear water too.

    And of course these lines too:

    Cast your woes upon the Worshiped

    where wonders are born and watered,

    where the worthless one is wanted,

    Such a beautiful reminder and the poem is very beautiful to read allowed to. Love it. 🙂

    #59058
    Libby
    @libby

    Here are the comments I have on your poem.  Lovely work, by the way!  What I have to say is bolded. 🙂 Hope it makes sense.  Where you looking for any specific critique?

    Weeping Willow, why

    do you wallow in your wailing

    while the wondrous world is waking?

    The wren warbles wistfully

    as the wind whispers warmly

    while it wanders west.

     

    Weeping Willow, watch

    for warmly walks the Woman.

    We were well to name her Wisdom

    for she wallows not in worry

    but wears wings of wisteria.

    She is wishing with the wistful

    and wary of the whiner.

    Her voice wedded with the warble

    of the warmly whistling bird.

     

    Weeping Willow, listen

    for the wayward worker wasted

    all the worthy weight of wonder

    as he washed his wail in whiskey (–) optional, just for rhythm, to make us pause before the next line.

    and worshiped his own whining.

     

    😀 wonderful!

    "Young people, you must pray, for your passions are strong and your wisdom is little."C.H.Spurgeon

    #59104
    Grace
    @h-jones

    Ahhh! I absolutely love it! I may think it over some and offer some criticism at some point, but just wanted to let you know that this is a wonderful piece and I think it’s the bomb. Well done!

    Secretly Hedgehog Jones. Don’t tell anyone.

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