Forums › Poetry › Poetry Discussions › An Alliteration Poem
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Grace.
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November 10, 2018 at 5:17 pm #58952
Katherine Baker
@kb-writerHello!
I’m wondering if I can get some ideas and tips on a poem I wrote. It is a wild experimental poem when I had an idea centering around a Weeping Willow and thought “why don’t I make it full of alliterations”
Let me know what you think! Does it work? Does it feel like a jumbled mess? What could improve it? Did I try to hard to use W? 🙂
Weeping Willow
Weeping Willow, why
do you wallow in your wailing
while the wondrous world is waking?
The wren warbles wistfully
as the wind whispers warmly
while it wanders west.
Weeping Willow,
you are wilting while you weary.
And what’s worst?
That which you are weeping
is not worth the weight of woe.
Weeping Willow, watch
for warmly walks the Woman.
We were well to name her Wisdom
for she wallows not in worry
but wears wings of wisteria.
She is wishing with the wistful
and wary of the whiner.
Her voice wedded with the warble
of the warmly whistling bird.
Weeping Willow, listen
for the wayward worker wasted
all the worthy weight of wonder
as he washed his wail in whiskey
and worshiped his own whining.
Weeping Willow, watch
for Woman Wisdom walketh
and waits beside your wilting.
Wisdom’s watchful of your woes
and her eyes wear water too.
Weeping Willow, why
do you wallow in your wailings?
The world is worse for wear
when the wreckage you must wear.
Cast your woes upon the Worshiped
where wonders are born and watered,
where the worthless one is wanted,
where the water of the wailer
waters wisteria worlds
weaved wonderfully, unwasted
in withstanding love.
Tagging @evelyn, @libby, @h-jones to start. Feel free to tag more people.
Always remember you're unique...
...Just like everyone elseNovember 10, 2018 at 5:31 pm #58955Evelyn
@evelyn@kb-writer Wow!
First of, I love “w” words, so that’s a good start. xD
I’m sure someone would think it’s a bit much, but I love it! And I think you did a really good job telling a story that made sense and fit together, instead of just sticking random words together just because they alliterated. even though you were trying to alliterate the whole time.
Great job! 🙂
November 10, 2018 at 5:38 pm #58957Katherine Baker
@kb-writerThanks! You made me smile. Great job sticking to a theme and starting with “Wow”.
W. Wouldn’t have it any other way. 🙂
I’m glad you liked it. I felt like the theme was a bit forced, but you don’t have many options when trying to create a story with W. 🙂 Did you feel like it flowed well? Could you follow the story?
Always remember you're unique...
...Just like everyone elseNovember 10, 2018 at 5:43 pm #58958Evelyn
@evelynGreat job sticking to a theme and starting with “Wow”.
Haha! I didn’t even notice that. xD
I mean *coughs* I totally meant to do that. 😉
No, I didn’t have any trouble following the story! I actually really think it was so beautifully done. I especially love this line:
Wisdom’s watchful of your woes
and her eyes wear water too.
And of course these lines too:
Cast your woes upon the Worshiped
where wonders are born and watered,
where the worthless one is wanted,
Such a beautiful reminder and the poem is very beautiful to read allowed to. Love it. 🙂
November 12, 2018 at 12:46 am #59058Libby
@libbyHere are the comments I have on your poem. Lovely work, by the way! What I have to say is bolded. 🙂 Hope it makes sense. Where you looking for any specific critique?
Weeping Willow, why
do you wallow in your wailing
while the wondrous world is waking?
The wren warbles wistfully
asthe wind whispers warmlywhile it wanders west.
Weeping Willow, watch
for warmly walks the Woman.
We were well to name her Wisdom
for she wallows not in worry
but wears wings of wisteria.
She iswishing with the wistfuland wary of the whiner.
Her voice wedded with the warble
of the warmly whistling bird.
Weeping Willow, listen
for the wayward worker wasted
all the worthy weight of wonder
as he washed his wail in whiskey (–) optional, just for rhythm, to make us pause before the next line.
and worshiped his own whining.
😀 wonderful!
"Young people, you must pray, for your passions are strong and your wisdom is little."C.H.Spurgeon
November 12, 2018 at 1:47 pm #59104Grace
@h-jonesAhhh! I absolutely love it! I may think it over some and offer some criticism at some point, but just wanted to let you know that this is a wonderful piece and I think it’s the bomb. Well done!
Secretly Hedgehog Jones. Don’t tell anyone.
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