A Poet's Introduction

[Sir Leeds]

Hi everyone!

I’m a Christian and a poet from the “poetic wasteland” of Iowa (as a friend from California once put it). It gets kind of lonely when you mix all three of those things, so I’m grateful for this site and the encouragement I see being passed around here.

I was homeschooled in a Christian family, went to a secular college, found a personal relationship with my Lord and Savior instead of piggybacking on my parents’ faith, became an IT consultant, married the love of my life, and God’s building a family through us now.

I’ve enjoyed poetry for as long as I can remember. I used to write little poems for my parents on cards for their birthdays, then, when I became a teenager, I used poetry as an outlet when I was upset. Now I use it as an outlet for my thoughts in general, like a journal. I used to write verse religiously; now I mostly write free verse story poems and experiment with other styles. I’ve gotten a few pieces published and I’ve been asked by professors to share my poetry with their literature classes, but that’s the extent of my work’s fame.

I’d love to read over and offer my thoughts on and encouragement for any poems or short stories anyone here is working on. I am fairly busy, but I’ll make time if I can. Just give me a shout out and I’ll try to get you something within a week.

Here are some things I could use some help with:

It’s hard for me to get feedback from any of my friends on my poetry, much less meaningful feedback. If there’s anyone out there who’d like to read my work and offer specific encouragement or criticism, I’d REALLY appreciate it and I’ll return the favor (if it’s within reason. If you review a 1 page poem and expect me to review a 300 page novel in return, I don’t think that’s very fair).

I’ve always struggled with meter, so if anyone has a good grasp on that, I’d appreciate any help I can get.

I’m in the beginning stages of planning a book of poetry, so if anyone has poetry book publishing experience, I’d love to chat.

Sincerely,

Sir Leeds

"We are far too easily pleased." - C. S. Lewis

[Daeus Lamb]

Hi @sir-leeds!

When I was setting up your profile on the back end of the site, I was really hoping you’d introduce yourself soon.

I mainly write fiction, but occasionally I write some poems. If you’re looking for some outside input, I could definitely find the time to look over a few poems.

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[Sir Leeds]

Hi @daeus-lamb!

Nice to “meet” you. And thanks for the offer! What would be the best way to share my writing with you?

Is there anything I could help you out with?

Sincerely,

Sir Leeds

"We are far too easily pleased." - C. S. Lewis

[Daeus Lamb]

@sir-leeds I generally like using google docs.

Well, there’s nothing I really have at the moment. Unless you want to read my voluminous fantasy novel, lol. 😉  I appreciate the offer though.

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[Sir Leeds]

Haha alright, just let me know if something comes to mind in the future.

Here’s my latest poem. It’s titled “Adventureland” after an amusement park here in Iowa:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FAYPxWyZA4ka4f5pT3PJCGDUAlD_sTHjOIIQn00tf1c/edit?usp=drivesdk

Sincerely,

Sir Leeds

"We are far too easily pleased." - C. S. Lewis

[Daeus Lamb]

Thanks! I’ll get to it soon.

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[Sam Kowal]

@sir-leeds I’m no serious poet, so I can’t offer any useful advice. I did like that poem, though. It had a great atmosphere to it 😉

*nom, nom, nom* *eats donuts*
Oh, are you hungry? *begins weeping*
I would have saved you one!

[Elizabeth]

Hey, @sir-leeds, welcome to the forum! I’m more of a fiction person myself, so I’m not eligible to help you in the poetry department, but if you ever need a word of encouragement or some moral support, I’ll be here. I’m sure there’re plenty of people here who’d be willing to help you out!

 

INTP. Writer of fantasy and sci-fi. Wannabe artist. Anime geek. Merakian.

[Sir Leeds]

Thanks @sam-kowal ! I appreciate any feedback I can get.

What kinds of literary projects do you have going on? Anything I could help with?

Sincerely,

Sir Leeds

"We are far too easily pleased." - C. S. Lewis

[Sir Leeds]

Thanks @elizabeth ! I think what’s going on here is really cool and I’d love to help out in whatever way I can.

You mentioned that you’re more into fiction. What kinds of projects do you have going on? What kinds of genres do you like to write about?

I may not have the patience or discipline to write a full fledged novel (maybe a novella someday), but if you’re ever stuck or discouraged, please feel free to add me to your shout out list.

Sincerely,

Sir Leeds

"We are far too easily pleased." - C. S. Lewis

[GirlSetFree]

@elizabeth

Me is stucky and discouraged. Me is a full-fledged Novelist, working on me firsty booky. Me needy some moral supporty.

Thankys!!

GirlSetFree

Writer. Thinker. Christian Gal. Canadian. Singer. Blogger. Health Nut. Author. Lumerit Scholar.

[Elizabeth]

Thank you! I appreciate that.

Currently, I’m working on a fantasy novel (which I don’t have a premise for, really, it’s a mess) that is in the outlining stages. I also have a short story that I’m working on, but that’s also in the outlining stages. I don’t have as much time to spend on them as I’d like, because I’m in college, but they’re coming along slowly!

INTP. Writer of fantasy and sci-fi. Wannabe artist. Anime geek. Merakian.

[Daeus Lamb]

@sir-leeds Okay, I finally got to your poem.

I jotted down a few thoughts.

“Take to” in line three is slightly flat verbiage.

“Yellow innertube”. Could you describe this using a metaphor?

I might put an empty line before “At night, climb into a ferris wheel carriage”, because that seems to be the start of a new thought.

Lines 19-30 confused me at first. In fact, I’m still not 100% sure I have it right. Is it saying that there was a dead mother who used to comfort them on the ferris wheel and that thoughts of that, and the past, and how all adventures must end brings a soberness, but in surrendering to these thoughts and not trying too hard to distract ourselves there comes a sort of relief? If that’s the case, I definitely like it and how you told it. I do, however, think it could be a little clearer. (Sure is great on the second read though.)

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[Daeus Lamb]

Oh, and on a general note, it definitely leaves me with a lingering aftertaste, which is pretty much the definition of poetic success.

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[Daeus Lamb]

I wonder if @cindy would be able to look at it.

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