Reply To: Girl INTJ, Guy INFP–Help!

Forums Fiction Characters Girl INTJ, Guy INFP–Help! Reply To: Girl INTJ, Guy INFP–Help!


I have an older sister who is an INTJ, and my mom is an INFP. I don’t think I know any guys who are INFPs, but I read Ordeal by Innocence by Agatha Christie that has a character in it that seemed like the male counterpart of my mom. His name is Arthur Calgary. It’s a very good book if you like mysteries, and one of my favorites by that author. If you’re looking for some insight into the INF it might be helpful.

Word of caution though: Just avoid the miniseries. They completely butchered the story. It’s horrendous.

I’ll have to talk my sister into joining the forum. I’m sure she’d love to tell you all about INTJs. She really gets into the MBTI system.

I can tell you a little of what I’ve learned from observing them though.

My INTJ sister doesn’t show much emotion in public. She keeps a lot of her opinions to herself. Then she unloads them on her family when she gets home. 😉

For instance, if she has a bad experience in a restaurant, she’s unlikely to say anything to the waitress at the time (although she has gotten a little bolder with speaking out since she reached her twenties), but she’ll tell us how awful it was when she gets home. She has a lot of bad experiences when she goes out. I can’t tell if she’s just incident prone or if her expectations are too high. Probably both. 🙂

She doesn’t talk a lot unless it’s to us, or someone who interests her.

When she does socialize she wears out pretty easily and then she needs a lot of time to herself to recharge.

She’s more comfortable expressing her emotions at home with her family. Her vehemence is actually pretty impressive. She usually rants when exasperated.

She shows love in thoughtful ways, like thinking of you when she’s out and sees something she knows you’ll like (she’s great at present finding), and scolding–er, giving you a pep talk when you’re down.

Sometimes when I’m really down she turns on her extraverted personality (which is a lot like an ENFP) and makes me laugh because she’s being so unlike her usual self.

She also is very generous with her things.

She’s like a kid when she’s excited about something.

She avoids most social situations.

When she sees someone she loves being bullied, she won’t sit still. If confronting the person responsible won’t do any good, she comes up with ways to distract her loved one and cheer them up.

She doesn’t forget the bully, however. She’ll keep coming up with plans to save her loved one from their clutches until she strikes on one she knows will work. She’s very protective.

Her best friend and closest family member is an ISFJ. They’re like Sherlock and Watson, and they’re inseparable. Sherlock will do anything for Watson, you know. 🙂

When she’s interested in something she tends to work exclusively on that one project with considerable energy. She’s not much into multitasking.

She feels socially awkward but most people find her charming and are drawn to her INTJ brilliance. This frankly baffles her because she doesn’t like most people. Like, at all. XD

She has tremendous insight into personalities and people, but she can be a little harsh sometimes in her judgment, and a little fatalist when she can perceive a bad outcome to something that hasn’t even occurred yet. I sometimes have to remind her that the future is the future, and we can still do something about it. And if we can’t, God can.  🙂

My Mom’s personality is very different in a lot of ways.

As an INFP, she’s surprisingly wise and intelligent, with good intuition, though she doesn’t practically read the future like my sister does, or even foresee as far as I tend to do (I’m an ENTP).

She’s a strong INFP, so unlike an INFP who may have received more shaming, been less resilient to bullying growing up (she was bullied), or who involved themselves in unhealthy relationships (she has a great marriage to my ISTP father) she is more confident in herself, although she still tends to shamelessly underrate herself (which I have to set her straight on a lot by telling her how amazing she is. Being an ENTP, I’m zealous for the truth).

She is an oldest sibling, and was an only child for a long time, so I think that contributes in part to how strong she is.

She is very loyal. She always puts her family and her responsibilities first. She’s too good sometimes. That used to frustrate me some before I learned about MBTI and figured out that I couldn’t achieve that INFP goodness even if I tried. XD It’s unmatched.

I think this is one of the main reasons why they are bullied a lot though. They don’t stand out much, but their sense of justice and inner righteousness can shine and make the people around them envious and hate them.

She used to be a little harsher in her judgment of others because of how different she was, but since she learned about MBTI she’s grown more understanding as well.

She loves her home. It is her sanctuary. She really doesn’t feel the need to go out much like I do. She’s a surprisingly content person.

She’s thoughtful, caring, and has the most comforting presence. She puts others before herself. The comfort of other people is essential to her own.

She’s careful and detail-oriented in nearly all that she does.

Most INFPs have at least one thing they’re reckless about though. Something surprising that you wouldn’t expect.

She hates to feel like she’s been walked on or like her strong sense of responsibility is being abused by others. She won’t take injustice in silence. Not to herself, and not to others.

If she sees injustice, especially when it involves her family, she can become consumed with righteous anger, and when she speaks out against that person and admonishes and chastises them, it’s like righteous anger from heaven. There is no beating her in times like those. It doesn’t matter if you’re the most eloquent of personalities or the most smooth-tongued narcissist. If you’re not smart enough to be silent and take your medicine you will wish you were.

It’s like a superpower, but she doesn’t abuse it.

I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to witness such a marvel on one or two rare occasions.

I’m not sure how all of this would translate to a guy, but I thought it might be helpful. Sounds like your INFP character was shamed a lot growing up. That will affect his personality. He’ll probably be weaker, less confident, and dependant than someone like my mom. He’ll probably carry around a lot of emotional scars. INFPs don’t forget stuff like that, even if they forgive. They’re very sensitive and precious people. Unfortunately, it seems like they’re often not cherished as much as they should be, at least that’s what I gather from my research on the personality.

Sometimes the three of us will have deep discussions where we analyze people and their personalities. We’re all pretty fascinated by the things that make people unique.

My sister and I also engage in pretty intense debates from time to time.

Anyway, I hope some of that was helpful. Sorry it wasn’t very organized. I just wrote stuff as I thought of it.