fb

Reply To: Sci-Fi Serial Story Seeking Readers

Forums Fiction General Writing Discussions Sci-Fi Serial Story Seeking Readers Reply To: Sci-Fi Serial Story Seeking Readers

#99049
Ariella Newheart
@ariella-newheart

@quinn-ofallon Here’s what I found.

If it wasn’t for the full moon above, the sprawling pagoda-like building would cast the whole courtyard in shadow, dwarfing the barracks lined on either side of the walled Watcher precinct.

Change to:

dwarfing the barracks on either side of the walled Watcher precinct.

or

dwarfing the barracks lining either side of the walled Watcher precinct.

 

A decent enough plan, but with one pitfall–every heretic tries it, which means I have extensive practice cutting off anyone who tries that route.

I would split this into two sentences rather than one joined by an em dash.

As I run, I strain for a glimpse over the battlements..

(There are two periods here)

Panice tightens my throat.

“Panic”

And that’s all! 🙂

 

Writer, illustrator, Parimi Alcan

Check out my new blog! https://arbitraryfairy.wordpress.com/