That is very much how I feel. Outwardly, I’m doing fine, even better than before; my job outlook is leagues better than it was a week ago. Internally though – beyond the usual struggles to write, write well, write honorably, write at all, hardly a day goes by when I’m not fighting the great strangling snake of my sin-nature, and it often seems like no one else goes through this when I know that just can’t be true. Thankfully I know people in my church who are honest with their problems and at least supportive in my own struggles, but I know very few writers who are transparent about their lives and their problems – it’s very much sugar and sunshine, and enough sugar can make you sick by its sweetness.
Indirectly related, I find it difficult sometimes to ask useful questions in community, and find myself better equipped to give answers to others’ problems rather than take care of my own. I feel like I have little progress to show when accountability time comes-a-calling, as my current project is by contract more-or-less confidential, and no one I know has as any more experience in writing RPGs than I do.
I too don’t fully understand purely happy stories apart from picture books and kids’ stories, though I know they can be told well; my girlfriend isn’t much of a writer (she hates the physical act of reading but she’ll listen to theological audiobooks all day long), but she’s very good at inventing and telling silly stories on the fly.
In any case, I appreciated you taking notice, and taking the time to commiserate with me. I have to apologize for virtually forgetting about you. Truly – I am very much to blame for my isolation in community, and I’m sorry for that.
I’ve started taking a look through your blog. I particularly liked “Human.”
Non nobis Domine, sed nomini, Tuo da gloriam.