Reply To: Post the first paragraph of your WIP here and get feedback

Forums Fiction General Writing Discussions Post the first paragraph of your WIP here and get feedback Reply To: Post the first paragraph of your WIP here and get feedback

#40566

@steward-of-the-pen That’s the characteristic moment for Rosie, so you liking her character is awesome. Literally, everything you just said was what I’m trying to convey. That makes me SO happy.

For yours:

#1: The first few lines are an amazing hook. I know the story is going to interesting from just reading that; great idea.

#2: I love the descriptions. They aren’t cliche. I love “the stars trembled…” Beautiful!

#3: For “The wolf trotted along it”–I’m envisioning a happy-go-lucky wolf “trotting” along a dark tunnel without a care. That’s the image it’s projecting in my brain, but it could just be me.  You may want to change the word for his ambulation to be more sinister, like paced or lumbered. Just a thought.

#4: The dialogue definitely pulls me in, and the action beats are well chosen.

Well written!!  🙂

 

Spreading God's love until I can see seven billion smiles. 🙂 https://sevenbillionsmiles.home.blog

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