Forums › Fiction › General Writing Discussions › Post the first paragraph of your WIP here and get feedback › Reply To: Post the first paragraph of your WIP here and get feedback
@katthewriter One thing I noticed immediately was that the writing is doing much more telling than showing, which can be very tricky in 1st-person POV. Like “it was beautiful” or “I was scared.” I think maybe you could have a more vivid image of what’s going on. For instance, instead of “I was scared” being told to us, something like “My heart beat like a drum as I ran.” Some description can also do double duty for setting the scene, using words that are more specific like instead of “tired,” the word “haggard.” It gives you an image of someone who has been on the run for hours and is ready to drop from exhaustion.
The content is definitely a great hook–I’m interested in what’s going on right away! If you craft the description a bit more and really center it in the MC’s mind, I think it will be a powerful start!
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