Reply To: Post the first paragraph of your WIP here and get feedback

Forums Fiction General Writing Discussions Post the first paragraph of your WIP here and get feedback Reply To: Post the first paragraph of your WIP here and get feedback


Hey this is the first bit of My book Unknown, that i’m co-authoring with my amazing friend Alyssa. So i write 2 chapters then she writes 1 chapter, she having from her character’s POV. So this chapter is from my character POV.




“After her!”

My blood turned cold when I heard those words. My head and heart were pounding in rhythm with my feet. I ran on and on. I felt like any second I would fall and collapse to the ground, I was so tired. But the fear of what was following me kept me going. I could tell they were gaining on me. I saw a tree with an empty hollow, I made a quick decision, and hid inside it. I held my breath as I heard feet run past. Even after I could hear them no more I sat there for hours, wondering if someone was standing right out there, ready to pounce on me as soon as I got out.

It started to get dark and still I stayed there, rock still, not moving a muscle. I wasn’t sure if the rustling was someone walking or just the trees moving, and if the whistling was some person waiting for me, or just the wind, and I wasn’t even sure if

the noise I kept hearing right outside the tree was a person ready to pounce or just a stray animal. And so, that was the thing that kept me there, the unknown.

I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes it was light. Both of my feet were like pins and needles from being in that position so long, and all my muscles were cramped and sore. I decided to take the chance and peeked out of the hollow. There was no one, so I slowly crawled out, and got to my feet. I was surprised how pretty it looked now that it was morning. The tall grass was covered in the morning dew, and all along it there were little white flowers. Going from flower to flower were fat bumble bees and some monarch butterflies. All I could hear was some chirping birds and the gentle sound of the wind whistling through the trees. It was a wonderful thing after that horrible night.

Though it was beautiful, it didn’t comfort me in the slightest. I dropped to my knees and collapsed to the ground, and for once, I wanted to, needed to, cry. Because of all the hurt, confusion, and pain the last few days. But I was so used to holding it in, and biting it back that I didn’t know how. So I just laid there, breathing hard, my insides were screaming, but on the outside I was silent.

I don’t know how long I laid there, but it felt like hours. I sat up, with my stomach knotted up so much from biting back my emotions that I could scream. But I knew I really couldn’t, it was too dangerous for me. Way to dangerous, because as soon as I let it out, they’d be there, on top of me, ready to drag me away. Then they’d tie me up and—I cringed at the thought. No, I wasn’t going to do anything that would allow me to get caught, I’m not going back into that, not again. Not ever again. Though I don’t know about the unknown ahead, I do know that I’m never going back to the known of the past.

Though I was exhausted I managed to get to my feet, and lean against the tree. I tried hard to ignore the sharp pains of hunger that were gnawing in my stomach, and instead try to think of the way that the men after me were going and which way I should go so I wouldn’t run into them again.


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