I don’t have any critiques – but as I was reading it I was struck by the second and third verses. I like the homophones there! I also like the variation in the length of the lines. I don’t always like poetry like that, I tend to prefer the same number of syllables in each line, but I think this works well here. I also like the imagery in general that’s portrayed.
Also, as far as being a good poet or not, I think good is relative. My music theory professor this last semester said something that I think applies here. He liked to say “the reason you’re learning the rules is so you can break them in striking ways later on.” So I think that even if you don’t have “proper” meter and rhymes and mechanics, whatever those may be “supposed” to look like (and even if you’re not even aware where or when you end up breaking them :P), it works very well here.
“Enough! Be quiet! I can’t hear myself think! I can’t hear my teeth chatter!"
