Here’s the (More on that later)
I am probably about 30 years older than most of you guys and gals. I was born during the Vietnam war, back when the modern perversities had not taken as much hold on American culture, though there were the drug culture elements beginning the moral decline. Most of us still went to church and honored God’s day by not working and taking time for our families. The Bible was taken seriously and not explained away by someone using metaphorical language fresh out of seminary and probably also fresh out of a clean set of diapers. We usually said what we meant and people didn’t usually get all bent out of shape when we did it. We could have what seemed like a passionate debate that might burn down a barn and end it with a friendly handshake and an offer to join us for Sunday dinner where we could go at it again between the dessert and coffee. Political correctness was a stupid idea brought into the public vernacular by a couple of sleazy, sex-crazed, carpet-baggers from Arkansas, who read hippie literature and philosophies akin to those of the pagan dictators my dad had gone to war to help kill. Men in their homes and communities actually stood for something. Shacking up was shameful. Kids grew up knowing their daddy. We knew that evil existed in the world, not just from Scripture but saw its evidence in the brutality of madmen like Pol Pot and at the time the likes of Hitler were not a too far distant memory.
My perspective comes from a lengthy study of God’s Word enough to know that my opinion is nothing, but God’s Word is everything. Let God be true and everyone else be a liar, me included, I always say. (Romans 3:4) I’ve seen more life than most of you and I have seen the changes that came with it, and not those for the better. Sometimes I lose patience with the arrogance of those who think the minute and a half that they have lived really gives them the perspective to criticize my way of thinking, but that’s okay young one. Life is a harder teacher than I can ever be. You can give me a minute or give yourself a few years and if you are “teachable” you may come back around to say, maybe that old dude wasn’t so far off as we thought.
I’ve been married to the same lovely woman for 23 years, so I have picked up a few things on the differences between the genders. Yes, there are still ONLY two. The same ones in Genesis 1:27.
There is an important distinction between how males and females approach a conflict.
You writers ought to already know this.
If you really want to find out the nuances of a character you are writing, throw them into a conflict. What is “in” them will emerge in the crucible.
The same works with human nature, so this is an authentic approach to character study and, generally speaking, males and females will deal with conflict along different lines.
A male might be quicker to respond physically. This is not always a bad thing.
A female might be more inclined to talk and make emotional appeals. This is not always a bad thing.
Here’s where each approach has a disadvantage.
A woman might want to talk to a person who is fully controlled by evil and has violent intentions. Talking can waste precious moments and distract her and put her in jeopardy if she fails to recognize that either flight or violence is the correct response soon enough.
A male might resort to fisticuffs when he could have de-escalated the situation by finding out a little more about the opponent’s true intentions.
A woman might not really believe that actual evil exists and try to make out that everyone just “misunderstands” the person they are trying to exonerate. Not all women, but I’ve seen enough of them do this to be concerning.
Some women doubt violence is ever warranted, and they would be wrong.
Sometimes war is warranted. Even Solomon in his wisdom recognized this:
A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; … A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace. [Ecclesiastes 3:3, 8 NKJV]
Each thing has a legitimate season and condition when warranted. Evil people must sometimes be stopped from the commission of an evil act by meeting a violent end.
<span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Aversion to conflict</span>.
Hostess Role: Some women respond to their discomfort with conflict by playing the hostess role, trying to placate all those participating.
Intermediator Role: Men may respond to conflict by turning on a person whom they perceive to be the aggressor, without first taking the time to find out the provocation and who may or may not be the instigator.
If one walks in on a fight between Amber Heard and Johnny Depp, for instance, a male might falsely assume Johnny was the provocateur. Look how that turned out. 🤨
Paternal Role: Some approach a conflict in a parenting mode, trying to get the “children” to just play nice with one another. Playing nice with a rattlesnake might not be the best idea, mommy. 😜
A male may sit dispassionately watching an exchange between two parties in conflict and might notice certain poker tells in the smug calm one, revealing that they have a truly sinister mindset, rather than emotionally responding to the person who seems to be flying off the handle and overreacting.
These methods of conflict resolution have tendencies that split along gender lines more often than not.
Failure to recognize the threat of evil is a liability that can cost a family their lives, so men tend to be more suited to home protection in both the physical sense and often in the spiritual sense.
A woman can be scammed by her own child. Children seem to have an innate skill for larceny when they want something badly enough. A father might sense this and call the child out of their pretense.
This is why God’s ideal order of a two-parent household makes sense. Scamming both parents is not easy. Daddy may not care so much about his daughter’s desire to be fashionable and popular that he lets her “go out” “showing rather than telling” her story if you get my meaning.
I have seen too much evidence of women swooning over and excusing the “evil” of “pretty-face” criminals, to believe otherwise.
I remember the “Menendez brothers (Lyle and Erik) case” where the two “handsome teenage boys” slaughtered their own parent in cold calculation, yet the “girls” were all a flutter ‘cause the boys were “cute”. The boys shot their dad 6xs with a shot gun and their mom 10xs. Both of these guys got married to women while they were in prison because the women thought they were just “misunderstood.”
Another liability women too often have in the recognition of evil is when their own children are guilty of it. They make millions of excuses for why their little hellion did what he did, but they cannot come to terms with the fact that what their “kid” did was abominable.
The Uvalde school shooter is a good example. Listen to what the mother said after hearing her little perv did, and I quote: “He is not a monster…[and he]…had his reasons…”
17 children were murdered and the “mom” of the monster still does not recognize her own child’s crime in the slaughter of 17 innocent children. I think she has the brain of a brick, but that’s just my opinion.
What kind of maternal connection creates such a backend cloud that she cannot see through that fog?
I have often heard the naïve statement made by “feminists” that if more women were in leadership roles this country would be a nicer, safer place. That is utter nonsense. As if gender makes a difference to mankind’s propensity to commit evil. In fact, women are in more leadership roles and it makes no difference, because there are so many women as single mom’s being the leader, yet our prisons are disproportionately represented by males coming from “fatherless” home situations. (around 85%)
It was asked why men are given the spiritual role over their family. Well, this is one reason. Men will see and recognize evil sooner than a female trying to make sense of her feelings of why a person did what they did, or are about to do what she thinks is the “unthinkable”.
It is the reason men are put into war behind guns. Men, generally, have a more sober realization that “Evil” exists in our world. They will recognize a threat faster without emotion getting in the way in the precious seconds where it makes a difference. Men in war acknowledge that evil exists, and they are there to put it down physically. The why does not matter. The background of the present perpetrator is irrelevant. This is also true when evil ideas are disguising themselves as “truth”. Lies should be met with the boldness of truth.
Women tend to be more reactive to “hurt feelings” rather than reactive to “sinister evil”.
The sympathy card simply carries less weight in the mind of a male.
There is the pernicious attitude becoming more prevalent in American society that feelings are more important that truth. Feelings are in constant flux, so when they are held in greater importance than truth, societal breakdown ensues because it has lost its anchorage and can be tossed about whimsically by the prevailing sentiments of the day.
I blame the abdication of males abandoning their God-given spiritual leadership roles, and their dereliction of duty as fathers and as moral role models principally for this outrageous result, and secondarily I blame women who encourage or enabling men to do this. Both have lost their fear of God.
We are a society obsessed with the idea of being in love, but reject the One who defines it, and created its possibility. There is no such thing as “your truth” or “my truth” that should ever be allowed into the conversation of a Christ follower. There is the “truth” external to us and it matters more how we are oriented to its centrality. We can only find true agreement in Christ, as we accept that we are His subjects and not vice versa. He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, to which all knees will one day bow. The only way “Truth is Relative” IS if you accept Christ as your Savior and you are made a joint-heir with Christ. Then you might say the One Who Says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life,” (John 14:6) TRUTH IS OUR RELATIVE since we are the grafts related to Him by the spirit of adoption.
For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. [Romans 8:15 KJV]
Women tend to try to excuse and understand & tolerate “gender fluidity” and homosexuality at a higher rate than males do. (Gallup polls suggest that ratio is about 56% of women approving of it, than 30% of males approving of it.) Some have a problem calling it a reprehensible act of rebellion against God’s natural order.
God is clear on transvestite behavior as well:
“A woman must not put on men’s clothing, and a man must not wear women’s clothing. Anyone who does this is detestable in the sight of the LORD your God. [Deuteronomy 22:5 NLT]
Any of you guys or gals think a hairy ape in a dress coming to your 6-year-old’s school to do the “chicken dance” and read them a story is normal, ought to be get your head examined by a melon farmer. Let him thump your noggin’ and listen for the echo to see if you have ripened yet.
Some “female pastors” even praise the vicious act of abortion as a legitimate, daring to call the slaughter of an innocent, an alternative to pregnancy, and a woman’s choice.
How did we ever reach a level where anyone of faith justifies infanticide?
God calls it sin and murder. Period. Many women are motivated by their emotions over God’s truth, and will consent to unmarried sexual relations, and in fear will slink into a PP Clinic to “scrape” their shame away.
“Why do you beautify your way to seek love? Therefore you have also taught The wicked women your ways. Also on your skirts is found The blood of the lives of the poor innocents. I have not found it by secret search, But plainly on all these things. [Jeremiah 2:33-34 NKJV]
God does not equivocate on this matter.
God calls men to certain roles to protect women from the abuses they may suffer from “real evil”. Men often fail in these roles, but God is the account keeper and calls them to study the scriptures to show themselves an approved handler and discerner of truth.
But I fear that somehow your pure and undivided devotion to Christ will be corrupted, just as Eve was deceived by the cunning ways of the serpent. You happily put up with whatever anyone tells you, even if they preach a different Jesus than the one we preach, or a different kind of Spirit than the one you received, or a different kind of gospel than the one you believed. [2 Corinthians 11:3-4 NLT]
Women should help men in this God-ordained role, rather than spurn or discourage him.
And man was not made for woman, but woman was made for man. [1 Corinthians 11:9 NLT]
The is the rebellion that God predicted would be prevalent, and a woman would struggle with…
Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” [Genesis 3:16 NLT]
…the desire to control her husband and harboring a resentment toward his seeming rule over her.
BUT WHAT IF…
The man reverenced the Lord above all else. He knew that to serve God He must be obedient to God’s expectations.
What if the man loved his wife as Christ loves the church? (Ephesians 5:25) What if the man took care of the needs of his wife’s body, at least to the point that he takes care of his own physical needs? (Ephesians 5:28)
What if the husband seeks to understand and honor his wife, and recognizes that in the oneness of the Spirit, she is his heir together for everything God has planned for the grace of their lives. (1 Peter 3:7)
What if he recognized that making provision for her is an outward sign of his faith in God, and a testimony to others of the way He honors God’s commands? (1 Timothy 5:8)
That is what is expected of men who claim belief in Christ.
Girls, your guy is never going to be perfect in this. But if His heart is turned the right way, God will meet him where he’s at and make possible the impossible.
Choose a man who believes it is more important to be God honoring than it is to be pleasing to the outside world. Choose a man willing to stand alone for what he has studied to be right in God’s Word whether anyone chooses to stand with him or not. If you are to be led, let it be a man led by God. It is no shame to serve and support such a man. God counts your yieldedness in such respects as a service to Him.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. [Ephesians 5:22 KJV]
Don’t become partners with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? What agreement does Christ have with Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? [2 Corinthians 6:14-15 CSB]
Remember those who rule over you, who have spoken the word of God to you, whose faith follow, considering the outcome of [their] conduct. Jesus Christ [is] the same yesterday, today, and forever. Do not be carried about with various and strange doctrines. For [it is] good that the heart be established by grace, not with foods which have not profited those who have been occupied with them. [Hebrews 13:7-9 NKJV]
Brian Stansell (aka O'Brian of the Surface World)
I was born in war.
Fighting from my first breath.
