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#149223
Mr.Trip Williams
@jared-williams

My name is Will.  Not that you’d care.  I don’t know why I keep getting jerked back here.  Wherever this place is.


@obrian-of-the-surface-world

So, is Will from earth and gets in some form or fashion teleported back and forth? Similar to Ted Dekker’s book, Black? From the sound of the gunslinging, I would hazard a guess, Wild West or some sort of post-apocalyptic?

guessing he’s a pre-teenager (12-14ish) who has a lot of anger which he displaces on his parents mostly because he doesn’t know how to handle his father’s death but he actually loved them deeply. (but his feelings for his mother turns to annoyance? derision due to her perceived weakness.)

For all mom’s talk of God, she is still only a sheep.  But I am not.  The Good Shephard never came that night, so the wolves ate him. Hate is all I have left.  I cannot love anyone or anything anymore.  I must become a wolf.

this is a really really cool description, and makes me curious just how much of that paragraph is analogous and how much is literal in the story. I liked it.

 


@noah-cochran

and


@obrian-of-the-surface-world

Thanks for looking at my characters! You both had good insights into them, though I think Brian hit it a little more on the head.

For the comments, for Character 1, I probably could have illustrated better that it was her father who promoted her in rank, and as such she had her father as her boss, in a way, and so she found the change in her relationship with her father difficult – in ways she was closer to him but in others further apart – such as not being privy to certain information and having to refer to him by his rank – since he was her superior (My cousin actually had this happen to her. lol. Her father outranked her, so right after celebrating her graduation from bootcamp, he had her go outside, then he purposefully walked the opposite direction in his uniform just so she had to stop and salute him. lol.)

Yes, she can manipulate plant life, and the man who returned was someone she had previously idolized and someone who used to be her teacher (of sorts). I didn’t allude to it, but hoped to hint at it, that she used to have a crush on him, but then with the reference to his wife’s death, she had to let go of that crush.

The part about not even the enemy deserved it… the rumors going around about the man she admired was that he massacred the entire town. So, far from naiveté, I think, she just can’t believe the man she knew was capable of it. (of course the massacre wasn’t hinted at, but hopefully it was clear the rumors were something really bad.)

I am also really glad Brian was able to catch that character 1 was a girl. Lol. My main protagonist (not character 1) is also female, so I’ve been worried about my ability to write feminine voices. (Especially since this WIP is my first attempt at fantasy romance – or any form of romance.)

Seems my second character was much easier to peg. which is good. His character, I feel, is actually more nuanced. Perhaps that’s why it was easier to distinguish… idk. One thing I’d hoped you would pick up on is his brother is a twin.

After all, he’d lived with her for just as long as I had.

And with reference to tribe, yes, his tribe, skill set, and the fact that he’s a twin all lended to his ostracization and pariah-ness. His essence ability to blend in makes for perfect espionage, assassinations, and similar shady dealings, so his “tribe” would be akin to the “ninja tribe” trope – and him being a twin isolated himself from his tribe – which is where the king becoming a benefactor comes in and their gratitude toward the king. Oh, with the woman, yes, he is very prim and desires to protect, but more than that… and this was harder to portray by showing instead of telling, but he doesn’t converse well with women, and they make him nervous. Just in general. There was one small hint that he does struggle with controlling his emotions (which is the key to his essence ability to change skin colors). And yes, he and his twin brother are near opposites personality wise – as he is more by the book and his brother “takes advantage”.

Writing from their POV’s was a fun exercise! I may have to come back and do some more…


@noah-cochran

I would guess Talia is either a noble, an important personage, or a religious priestess of some kind from the first few paragraphs; however, toward the end, my opinion changed. I still think she may have ties with religious leadership, but my ultimate guess is she’s a diva – a singer. She was traveling somewhere she desired to go but was shipwrecked and forced to resort to singing for crowds she deemed inferior or in the least not her normal clientele.

I also get the feeling she is from a place that holds a certain amount of vitriol or tension/animosity with the place she ended up. (That or she just doesn’t trust anyone.) The troubadour, I would guess, actually likes her, but she sees him as an annoyance, like a flee or necessary nuisance. And I would gather to guess, he also has a sense of humor and livens up the story – perhaps comedic relief? perhaps not… Their relationship does seem to be complicated, and very interesting.

Wren baffled me a bit more than Talia, I think. At first, I thought port bar that her father owned, grew up working around sailors and the restaurant – but the well-traveled part got me befuddled. She seems seasoned and well acquainted with the region and the people therein – well loved, but came across as naive to the world outside her hamlet and the regulars that ported therein… (which is why the well-traveled bit is even more confusing). The first two at the table near the end were well described – the first with the money, I pictured a swordsman/pirate-ish captain or first mate lad, and the second a muscled “heavy lifter” (probably wielding some blunt, heavy object when in battle…). The roman lady, good… but then the last woman – what a doozy… I have no guesses. Lol. She’s an enigma, mystery at this point and very intriguing. You had to stop the scene there?? lol.

Fun reads, both of them.

 

Christianity has not been tried and found wanting, it has been found difficult and left untried. ~ G.K.C.

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