Reply To: Showing Internal Conflict

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Noah Cochran


Still, I’m going to keep critiquing your sword-scenes the same way. Most of it isn’t longsword specific, as far as I know. If something seems off to you, please double-check me. I’m just speaking from what makes sense to me, and I have no experience with one-handed swords.

Oh, please do. You’re vastly above my level when it comes to combat, and swords in particular it seems. 🙂

Can’t one handed-swords be used with both hands (that’s what Tristan did)? Excuse my ignorance.

As I’m reading it, it mostly seems out of place. I didn’t notice the difference between direct and indirect. Is there a specific reason you’re using direct introspection instead? I don’t remember ever noticing the difference, but I mainly write in first-person, so I may not be familiar with it.

Let me clarify: I’m using indirect introspection 99% of the time. Indirect introspection is when one does not use italics or the tag “he/she/I thought.” Direct introspection is when one uses italicized thought and sometimes a dialogue tag of he/I/she thought (often times not though, I don’t). The reason I use direct introspection was so I could use the style of “I am sick and tired of this mess, why did this have to happen to me.”  I used “I” and “me,” which I could not do in my normal indirect introspection. You probably already knew I was saying this, but I just wanted to make sure you understood what I was saying. xD

I use that style once in a while because I like the feel of a more in their head type of writing once in a while. But I will definitely consider removing it if you think it noticeably breaks up the flow. One of my other betas is somewhat of a hater of italicized words or introspection, so I already know some thinks the same as you. xD Do you ever used italicized words in writing for any purpose?

Also, I want to compliment you on the book so far! I’m really enjoying it and I got completely sucked in. (to the point that I almost burned something on the stove because I forgot

I really appreciate that, Rose. 🙂

*proceeds to check off “make a reader burn something on the oven” off my bucket list*

Do you have any thoughts on the clothing and apparel descriptions so far? Do they seem accurate? Is there something you would do differently?

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