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Reply To: Showing Internal Conflict

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#144672
Rose
@rose-colored-fancy

@noah-cochran

I didn’t realize you were referring to beats. I shall remember to add more beats.

Generally speaking, you’re okay, it was mostly that specific section.

TTD takes place in 1223, and Tristan is the son of a minor castellan, so I didn’t think he would have a full-fledged, longsword. Instead, I thought he would have a shorter, one-handed (though it could be used two-handed) sword. Thoughts?

I have proved my ignorance. I forgot to check that XD On a second check, Meyer and Lichtenauer’s manuals weren’t written until c. 1570 and c. 1500  respectively. (The German manuals we mainly use for longsword) In short, you’re right, I should have taken that into consideration.

Still, I’m going to keep critiquing your sword-scenes the same way. Most of it isn’t longsword specific, as far as I know. If something seems off to you, please double-check me. I’m just speaking from what makes sense to me, and I have no experience with one-handed swords.

(Also, check if it was used in rapier style or with a buckler, because it’s a common mistake but I don’t know enough about this to say whether you’re right or wrong XD)

However, once in a while I wanted to have introspection that used the word “I” and “you” to refer to the person having the thoughts. I can’t do that with indirect thought, so I italicized the places I wanted it. Does that make sense? Does the italicized thought still seem to be a bad idea?

As I’m reading it, it mostly seems out of place. I didn’t notice the difference between direct and indirect. Is there a specific reason you’re using direct introspection instead? I don’t remember ever noticing the difference, but I mainly write in first-person, so I may not be familiar with it.

Also, I want to compliment you on the book so far! I’m really enjoying it and I got completely sucked in. (to the point that I almost burned something on the stove because I forgot)

Without darkness, there is no light. If there was no nighttime, would the stars be as bright?

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