Reply To: Showing Internal Conflict

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Am I making any sense? xD I definitely be thinking on this, because I do see the need to grow connected to the character quickly. Aaaa…I’m torn.

I see what you mean, I’ve often thought about it too. It’s always a trade-off. Getting connected to the character vs. not bogging down the story.

Personally, I didn’t like how Hunger Games did this. I was definitely tired of it before all the flashbacks were over. Suzanne Collins could do it because… well, she’s Suzanne Collins. She focused on connecting to the character so she could keep the rest of the book as fast-paced and streamlined.

I wouldn’t recommend this, since it is a gamble.

As for realism, this falls in the same category and characters speaking full sentences and not interrupting each other and going on tangents like people do in real conversations. It’s needed to make it readable and understandable, so the reader will suspend disbelief.

What I meant was that you could add just a line or two after comments like that.

So, the example I highlighted was:

Hugon flinched at that. Bad memories lay there.

You could add something like:

He still remembered the face of the merchant who had taken everything they had. He’d never be able to forget it.

(I have no idea what happened, this was a wild guess, so it probably isn’t accurate.)

Basically, things will remind him of things that happened in the past and that gives you an opportunity to slip in a line here or there. Not a massive paragraph at a time, just a line, a mention. In the beginning, it’s fine to leave his past a blur, just not a white nothingness.

Also, you need a certain amount of knowledge to get the story started. Don’t reveal anything until it’s absolutely needed or you have a slow moment/an alternate reason, but don’t hold back important things.

It’s not necessarily a huge issue, just something to think about 🙂

You mentioned me having several lines of consecutive beats and dialogue with no thought or description. Well…here’s the thing. That happens quite a lot in this book. xD I.e, I love dialogue. But I will keep that comment in mind whenever I go through and edit using y’all’s tips.

Dialogue is cool! Dialogue is fantastic, I love it, but what I meant was breaking it up with beats. Just little things like expressions and small actions to make it flow better. Often the character’s reactions are more interesting than the conversation itself.

Uninterrupted dialogue sometimes flows better than the alternative, you just have to try out which works best.

Dialogue, description, introspection, etc, all gets boring if you’re doing it paragraphs at a time.

Once again, not a massive issue, just something to keep in mind while editing. Most of the stuff I’m pointing out won’t ruin your book, but they’re worth keeping in mind.



Without darkness, there is no light. If there was no nighttime, would the stars be as bright?

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