Great response! You know how to give tips. 🙂
This paragraph encapsulates what I was trying (emphasis on trying xD) to show through Joelle:
“Joelle’s gut twisted at the memory, and at the dark, cynical laugh that had floated back to her. She had not meant to cause harm to him or his friends. But it wasn’t her fault or her problem. She had only been doing her job, Hugon and his partners had put themselves in this situation. Then why was her gut knotting into a thousand tight threads”
I was attempting to show her being torn between her feeling guilty for what she had done to them (the “what” I just decided to leave unknown”) and convincing herself that it wasn’t her fault and she was not responsible for the consequences of the event in question. Do you have any specific tips on how to better incorporate this attitude into her voice?
Tristan needs serious work. xD I jotted him down with much less thought than the other two.