That’s much better! (To me, at least XD)
Depending on how fast-paced your scene is, you could add a few action beats between the description. If your POV character is more confused than actually scared, this will definitely work, but if you’re in the middle of a chase scene, you could split it up more by moving the “I need a place to hide,” line up to right before you describe her eyes. Because right after that, he’d probably be taking a better look at her.
However, this could definitely work too, it just depends on your scene!
Without darkness, there is no light. If there was no nighttime, would the stars be as bright?