Reply To: Character description critiques/game

Forums Fiction Characters Character description critiques/game Reply To: Character description critiques/game


Here’s the revised edition of my descriptions! (Jade’s in his underwear because the monster (Fabian) was trying to make sure he wasn’t badly injured)


         When Jade’s eyes opened, he saw the monster seated at a workbench, holding his helmet and scraping some blue junk out of a crevice. It wore pants, but its exposed chest revealed muscle rippling under its scales. Jade gulped; that monster could snap him in pieces. He felt an unpleasant shrinking feeling within him, the same sensation he’d gotten when he was nearing the generator. This thing was too large, too strong. Jade reached for his pistol; his heart fluttered – why was he in his underwear?

Jade’s attention focused on the beast’s handlike claws. They were strong and dexterous as they scrubbed some dried anti-freeze off the surface of the helmet. He frowned. An anthropomorph? No brainer HSI wanted the body back along with whatever he had to steal. This was anything but common.


and here’s description two with the paragraph before:


        While the monster had no aura of malice about it, and Jade recognized the instrument, he could not help shrinking away when he realized that he appeared as a child next to this technological advancement. The monster squatted beside him, “Settle down, I w-on’t…” it shut its eyes and mouthed the next word before forcing it to its throat, “B-ite. I know I have the face uf… of a thrid.”

Jade looked up at the creature. The large eyes peered down the long muzzle. They were an unnatural, chemical blue. Instead of slit pupils, its looked normal, almost human. He leaned away, the expression in those eyes was a plea. It has to do with his lack of facial muscles.

We crazy people are the normal ones.

Pin It on Pinterest