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Reply To: Anyone in the mood to critique someone? I gotta little story!

Forums Fiction General Writing Discussions Anyone in the mood to critique someone? I gotta little story! Reply To: Anyone in the mood to critique someone? I gotta little story!

#129964
Lona
@lonathecat

@wingiby-iggiby

First off, that was amazing.

Second off, I don’t even like to call myself American (even though I was born in America) and I’ve never been very keen on the whole patriotism thing. That being said, I am super impressed with how you managed to get even me to feel the passengers’ fire and passion to save the lives of others.

The flow of the story was really well done and by the end I was a little surprised that I had just read all of it. I felt like time had flown by. Oh, and speaking of flow, when you switched from past to present tense here: “Now we are plummeting” it caught me off guard but I think that’s a smart move since it just emphasizes the climax even more.

One last random thing:

I love this: “before shuffling aboard with a mass of weary humanity.” XD

Again, really nice job on this! 😀

 

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